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Fast Times in the BAF


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#1
Mercenary Pilot

Mercenary Pilot

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Yup I am succumbing to the crackfic fetish :P This was something that evolved from the *bleep*ing spam that seems to accumulate in the BAF's pub and is the work of many authors.









Fast Times in the BAF



Prologue
The Pepsi Incident

The clear blue skies are crisscrossed with jetwash and the distant sound of fighter aircraft. On the ground half-hidden by sprawling green hills, next to the tropical surf, sits Arden Air Base, well one of many... but for our purposes there is only one. Above we find a simple training exercise gone terribly wrong...

"Get him!"

"I am trying, his plane is too fast!"

A pair of Flankers attack a Terminator, but find themselves outmatched. Soon their planes were flaming wrecks and being the finely trained Belkan pilots they were they forgot to radio to base the fact that they had been engaged...

"Idiots... now to drop that nuclear bomb."

A cylindrical like object drops from the Yellow Terminator's wing and plummets to deliver death to the unsuspecting air base below.

Out of nowwhere 8 Sidewinders slam into the Terminator. A slick F-22A Raptor does a Kulbit over its shattered victim as if to add insult to injury. Grabacr 1 talks on the com even though he is now alone in the sky.

"Stupid Gelb 3, killing all the officers in the airforce 'so that they HAVE to make you a General' is not a way to get promoted! And Gelb 3..." not really talking to anyone..."Everyone has to go through me for usage of weapons not on their plane, even if it's imported. I'm the armory and ordinance master."

Grabacr 1 waves the pin of the Hydrogen Warhead as if to drive a point home...once again to no one.


And now we follow the seemingly now-harmless Hydrogen warhead as its in its last seconds before reaching the ground...


Major Jose Mendez was a daring man, yes he was. It had been along monotous day, and goddammit, no regulation was going to keep him from untucking his Class-B uniform during his lunch break! (He had locked the door...) As he now sat in one of Arden's Officer Lounges, he set down his cold drink on the coffee table and turned the dial on the TV from one of Gelb 1's soap operas (He would catch his CO watching them one day! The last time he had been close but Gelb 1 had heard him opening the door and quickly stabbed himself in the eye and claimed he had not been aware what he had been watching. Yeah right!) to a random news network. He was interested how well the latest war was progressing. Just as he was about to kick off his shoes and prepare to fully relax, he hear a rather unusual sound. The cartoonish sound of a falling heavy object.

"That can't be good..."

As if on cue a large metallic cylindrical object crashed through the ceiling. It landed directly on the coffee table, nearly crushing Schwarze 1's legs. The force of the impact knocked Mendez back and sending relling over his couch as it flipped. He quickly recovered but froze, his eyes windening, in horror as he recognized the silver canister's special ID, which was right next to the words "Big Nuke", telling of its nature.

After a few chilling seconds, and Mendez uttering a quick praying asking for deliverance from the sins commited that night in that hotel in Sudentor, he finally scrambled to examine his nightmare incarnate.

His Pepsi had spilled.

He utters a primal, gutteral "NO!" before kicking down the door out and stalking down the hallway to punish the world for his small inconvenience.

---


In one of the Base's security stations, a MP taps a monitor.

"Hey Reggie, what does this look like to you?"

"What?"

"This." Tom taps the monitor showing a large cylinder sitting on a collapsed coffee table.

"Why I'd say a Big Nuke, Tom."

"Why, Reggie?"

Reggie motions to the large bold letters on the cylinder. "Says so right there. Oh my god..."

"What?!"

"Look, a spilled Pepsi!"

Reggie proceeds to sound the Alert. They must begin evacuating the base as soon as possible before it it too late.

---


Throught out the base, pilots go to their hangers and lockers to prepare to scramble. They soon notice the lack of the 'enemy' and the false Alert but decide to stay up in the air, having barbeques and orgies and whatnot. Nobody really knows what they did for 2 hours ok!

After being threatened to be sprayed them down, and not with hoses, they finally returned to base.

In the A-4 hanger.

The pilots file in, wearing their G-suits, they are all smiles and high fives, going on their 'authorized' joy ride. They don't notice the unsatisfied, disgruntled, and thirsty Jose Mendez step in and close the door to the lockers behind them.

"I want a Pepsi."

They all turn to the source of the voice. Their faces change from one of delight and mischief to understanding and horror.

Jose Mendez had not drunk his Pepsi!

Several screams are heard for the next two minutes.

Jose Mendez, in his feral state, walks out continuing on his march until his thirst is satisfied. And so continued his march of horror, wether dismembering Airman or taking babies' lollypops, he did it all on his uncontrollable and unreasoble 'Pepsi Rage'.

Schwarze 1 was terrorizing one hallway in particular when...

Several guttural screams are heard down the hallways, as base personnel scramble for cover.

"I want a Pepsi."

The young lieutenant is reduced to tears as she cowers in a corner under his shadow. She fumbles with her wallet and tossed many coins at his feet.

"There buy one...just leave me alone!"

Maj. Mendez stoically stares at the young woman. What was her name again? He decides he can't remember and keeps staring. His eyes darkening.

"I want a Pepsi."

Captain Maxey, aka Schnee 1, is seen running down the halls of Arden Air Base clutching a Pepsi, shouting, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mendez, hearing Captain Maxey's scream, immediately turns round and follows it. Finally, having used a Plot Device to locate Captain Maxey, he throws open a set of double doors.

"And, while a Split-S may be an unorthodox decision at this moment....
err, hello?"

Captain Maxey has a slightly startled look on his face, as do the half-dozen cadets in the room after seeing a commanding officer in a state of utter rage.

"....Care for some Pepsi, sir?"

Mendez stares at his black salvation. He could see the tantalizing carbon dioxide bubbles from across the room.

He stalked across the room, and snatched it out Cpt. Maxey's hand, screws the open, and chugs it. Letting the heavenly liquid wash over his chasticed mouth. He drank the pepsi, gulping and gulping until it disappeared.

The bottle drooped at his side.

The cadets would later liken his facial expression to that of a mild, well we can't say it, family fanfiction. His eyes slowly regained focus and he stared at his unfamiliar surroundings. The fog of his mind lifting.

"Eh..."

"..."

"Good work Captain, I have a meeting to get to...I think..."

Mendez does an about phase and exits the classroom, not noticing the blood washed hallways on the way back.

"So, like I was saying, while the split-S was a certainly unorthodox maneuver in this situation, it nonetheless worked. Thus showing that what's theoretically wrong can prove to be practically correct..."

Later Gelb 1, Commanding Officer of the Belkan Air Force (also the same guy who stabbed himself with a fork in the eye), would comment this:

"I am surrounded by Idiots."

---



Total unadultared BS indeed. :lol:

This has been a joint work of Mercenary Pilot, Rapier-3, Cipher of Belka, and muertos13.

So shall I write more slaps to common decensy and writters everywhere? :mellow:

Edited by Mercenary Pilot, 23 October 2007 - 09:56 PM.

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#2
Cipher of Belka

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yes!

Edited by Cipher of Belka, 23 October 2007 - 08:15 PM.

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#3
Red_Swallow

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:P Umm....okay. I can see a lot of interesting things go down in your squadron. :mellow:
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#4
Kyndrid

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I'm scared :P oh so very scared.
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#5
Cipher of Belka

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i wrote 4 chapters of the it, and made it into the pepsi files....
insert "X-files music"
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#6
The Belkan

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Hey wheres Ocelot's story, I exposed you for your war crimes against all other sodas! :lol:
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#7
Strigon 01

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OH NOOOOOO


MEANWHILE WHILE ALL THE MANIACS OF THE BAF ARE ABOVE FIGHTING IN A SECRET UNDERGROUND LAIR GARUDA 1 AKA GELB 1 IS STARING AT MENDEZ'S MASSIVE SUPPLY OF PEPSI LAUGHING AT THE FACT THAT HIS MASTER PLAN IS WORKING ......

NOW TO GET OUT OF HERE


HE CLIMBS INTO AN UNMARKED MIG 1.44 AND FLIES AWAY :lol: :lol: :D

Edited by Grun 1, 24 October 2007 - 11:48 AM.

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#8
The Belkan

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The Great Soda War


Information That Is Helpful Ahead of Time
-Ocelot was sent on a mission earlier to get rid of several murdered squirrels that were killed by various BAF pilots in one of there fits of insanity. After dropping them off in Osea (Damn Oseans) he returned to base. He then crashed on the landing strip after laughing at the sight of several more BAF pilots and there insanity.
-Schwarze 1, AKA Mendez, AKA Mercernary Pilot
-Takes place after the first three Pepsi incidents and the several minor outbreaks.




After Ocelot crashed on the landing strip, Schwarze 1 sent him on a mission to take told "suspicious" planes, over area B7R. And so the story begins..

Ocelot: Approaching area B7R sir, so far so good. No signs of the enemy.

....There’s, no enemies on the radar sir. None at all.

*Ocelot here’s a familiar ticking sound*

Crap! That can't be the explosive they put on are (Grabacr, Ofnir) planes to make us finish off the enemy faster! Where is it....where, where, WHERE!!!

SIR, WHO THE HELL DID THIS!

Schwarze 1: I did mwahahahahaha! You didn't order my extra crate of Pepsi for the month. I thought I could trust you buying the rations for the BAF, Ocelot! But I was wrong. Mwahahahahaha!

Ocelot: Dang, how much time do I have left.....?

5 seconds! Eject, Eject!


Ocelot landed on the ground with a thud, a hard why the hell did he put an explosive on my plane thud. He began to look around......nothing....absolutely nothing.....Mountain here, mountain there.....nothing.

Ocelot walked, and walked, and walked. His hunger built after walking for 7 hours straight heading in the direction of BAF Command HQ.

Ocelot: Dang, I wish I had something to eat.....seems like....hmmm....ahhh...what is this.

As Ocelot was digging in his pockets, he found one of the dead squirrels that those morons killed earlier.....Now if only he had a fire.

Ocelot: Ohh look at that, I also have a lighter, and a log in my pockets. Thank you Holy God of All That Is Pockets Dennis Kucinich. May your pockets be filled with prosperity and membership cards.

After joyfully eating the squirrel Ocelot slept, and was woken early in the morning by a man on a camel.

Familiar Guy that Looks like Schwarze 1: Hello, how are you. Would you like to buy a bottle of Pepsi?

Ocelot: Huh, oh you’re a Sapinian. I can tell, your accent is thick. But no thanks, pop just dehydrates you.

The Familiar Guy that Looks like Schwarze 1 was infuriated. He had disguised himself so Ocelot wouldn't notice, and then he poisoned one of his pepsi's so he could get rid of Ocelot.....he would have to think of something else.

Ocelot: Can I buy your Camel......I only got Belkan dollars though.....

The Familiar Guy that Looks like Schwarze 1: No!

He needed the camel to ride back to BAF HQ, and off he rode.

Ocelot kept walking back in the direction that the camel rider went. As he walked, he noticed something shining in the light. He kept walking toward it.....it soon became familiar. It was a BAF Officers Identification Card....

Ocelot: Hmmmm....I wonder who it is.

SCHWARZE 1!

It all makes sense now....the bomb, the camel, THE PEPSI! He must of been angry after I refused to buy him another crate of Pepsi with the BAF's ration's budget.

Dangit! Why did I have to be assigned this duty when he was on one of his Pepsi highs!?! (To create a hilarious story that’s why)

With this new found information he ran towards the base, a new surge of energy rising within him. Probably from the extremely large amount of caffeine that covered the card because of the oil from Schwarze's fingers. His blood is probably made of Pepsi. (BAF Doctor, get a check on him next time.)

As he was nearing the edges of area B7R he noticed something else peculiar.....he couldn't quite make out what it was....he got closer.....it began to take shape......he saw a sign.....he could barely make out the wording. "Not A Secret Mine Used to Extract An Underground Aquifer Full of Pepsi."

The message was very clear....obviously it had nothing to do with Schwarze 1 or Pepsi.....but Ocelot decided to look anyways......

He was infuriated when he got inside the mine.....thousands of children were toiling away mining towards the underground Aquifer that amazingly contained Pepsi. How could Schwarze 1 do such a thing.....even on a Pepsi high... (Which is hard to get)

He raced towards the base...and finally it was in sight.

He ran up to the base, and began yelling at everyone at what Schwarze 1 had done.

Some believed him, others thought he was stark raving mad. But some joined him and they rebelled against the evil Pepsi dictator. But others, they did not know what to do....and soon they became known as the "Coke Alliance of Nuetrality and Independent Tests" or CAN-IT for short.

Ocelot convinced Nightskies to join him in his rebellion, and the formed the "Dr. Pepper Allegiance Army, DPAA"

DPAO soon gained strength, gaining a welcoming...6 members, while reports indicated that Schwarze 1 had 356,468,886 fighters, ready and armed. But odds were against them, but they still fought.

Ocelot soon became the General of DPAA, and they set up camp near Cipher's dead clone pile.

Ocelot: Nightskies, set up a defense perimeter against that clones arm, make sure are flanks are well reinforced, and make sure no enemy spies infilitrate are ranks.

Nightskies: Yes sir!

Ocelot: Men fight on!

Night soon covered the landscape of the BAF HQ, and the sound of warfare soon because apparent.

Cans of pop were exploding, soda machines were firing cans into the sky, falling to the ground in a explosion of sugary goodness.

Soon men all around were lying on the ground, and when morning came, only two men were left. (Excluding CAN-IT they ran off in the middle of the night)

Ocelot, and his nemesis....SCHWARZE 1!

Ocelot: Why, why have you done all this!

Schwarze 1: Because Ocelot, I had no more Pepsi left, and you with your evil schemes, you plotted against me....you did, you did. Was 56 crates of Pepsi so much to ask....as long as I’m happy.

Ocelot: Yes! That likes $4,600 on you alone. The BAF dosen't have that much money. Have you seen a paycheck in recent days.

Schwarze 1: Well no....but still....this shall be our final showdown. The war to end all fiendish, spamtastic, might make you laugh but probably won't, wars. It shall be finished here and now!

They both looked in unison towards a table that magically appeared out of nowhere...Two cans set there.....one of Dr. Pepper, and one of Pepsi.....

They both knew what to do....as they walked up towards the table each picked up there respective can.

Cipher: On the count of three, chug.

1, 2, 3!

With cat-like reflexes they both popped open the top and began to drink....Ocelot was winning at first....but then he started choking on the tab...When he opened the can he must of accidentally torn the tab off and not noticed.....He continued to drink...but it was futile...In a matter of seconds (3.5 secs exact) Schwarze 1 had won..

The war was over....and all knew not to mess with the Lord of All That Is Pepsi Schwarze 1!
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#9
Chaos 1

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Great Soda War lol :( :P i miss being with you guys.
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#10
Cipher of Belka

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this happened in conjunction to the pepsi incident even though mercenary didn't post it


Once again our command staff come together in the night to plot the unknown..... ph34r.gif
I shall investigate....hmmm....
Oh..oh...my....a Pepsi scam! AHHHHHHHHH!!!! i thought Mendez was getting Pepsi abuse rehab!!! I must do something!!
we don't need another Pepsi tragedy......i wonder what would happen if i cut off Mendez's Pepsi supply and found a sedative. Hmmmmm......
It wouldn't be that hard to get into his office rolleyes.gif , oh hey i found a...OMG...he has a whole vault of Pepsi in here! I must put an end to this!!!!! Setting vault temperature to below freezing. Yes! Now the cans will explode as they freeze because the Pepsi will have no where to expand as it freezes. ph34r.gif
Wait..theres someone at the door....uh oh.
The rattling stopped.Setting his schedule for a Pepsi rehab appointment, OK, now to get him a replacement drink that looks like Pepsi but it isn't. Hey I'll get this can of prune juice and slap the Pepsi label on it. Fits the can perfectly, what a coincidence.
Good thing Mendez isn't near his office right now.
Grabacr---::taps cipher on the shoulder:: You know that was a death wish?
Crap... unsure.gif
Is Pepsi really that addicting?
Its for his own good!
Gelb5---hello everyone
What the? you caught me too?? blink.gif
Well, i guess...I'll....just run for the hall!!!{ Cipher escapes before Grabacr or Gelb5 could react}Victory! Wait..they're gonna tell him!!!! Oh no oh no.....OK, hey i got my sleep darts, hehehe.{nails both Grabacr and Gelb5 with sleep darts} HA, now i can remove this incident from both of your memories!!! HAHAHA!! {both Grabacr and Gelb5 wake up in their beds with no hint of what just happened} They remember nothing from the past half hour and think nothing of it. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
UH OH! Mendez has arrived, and he is not happy.
Grabacr takes my dart gun and shoots me three times. Little does he realize he just shot my shadow clone, and the real me is nowhere to be found. I've been practicing this jujitsu just for this situation.{cipher casts a confusion jujitsu on everyone}
Now you remember nothing! HAHAHA!! ph34r.gif
I still destroyed Mendez's lifetime supply of Pepsi, mission sort of accomplished...
He's not gonna like it when he drinks that prune juice thinking its a can of Pepsi rolleyes.gif
{Cipher tries to sleep, but can't stop having nightmares of Pepsi zombies....}
Just another night at the B.A.F.

operation: B7R Bar and Grill Stock Infiltration

cipher here again, and i have heard rumors of the B7R Bar and Grill disposing of its coke by the shear fear of Mendez. So now they have a "supposed" secret stock of Pepsi just for him....
It appears i have a mission.
In the long run giving him pepsi to keep him from going crazy isn't gonna help him, but the others don't think that way.
[cipher creeps out of his quarters in his splinter cell gear and heads for the main hall][ he passes ocelots room and loud unbearable snoring can be heard]
For a snore that loud, there is no way anyone can hear me sneaking around
[slips by the classroom hall and sees one of the lights on]
What is someone else doing up this late?
[cipher inches towards the door and listens by pressing his ear on the door][ it is Mendez]
He's talking to the Bar owner...something about...OMG...Pepsi stocks

[cipher now exits the building undetected and moves all stealthy like the the bar][ he uses his decoder device to get in the employee entrance]
That was easy...
[ ciphers approaches the inventory room and turns on his flashlight]
ACK! MENDEZ!!!!!!
[ Mendez is standing there as if he were waiting the whole time with his evil i want Pepsi stare]
I must act quickly....
[cue final fantasy boss battle music]-to hear it go to this link and play it until the story says it ends-

download it to computer
READ SLOWER NOW SO THE SOUNDTRACK LASTS LONGER
[Cipher draws his only weapon, his hands][Mendez pulls out a desert eagle with a Pepsi logo on it]
this is not good...
[ it is a constant battle of misses and shots, Mendez soon began to resort to throwing various inventory items at me] Where did he find a can of kerosene???
[Mendez chunks it at me but it harmlessly hits the ground] phew...
[his desert eagle stops firing]
he's out of ammo...
[Mendez picks up a baton from a shelf]
Since when did the bar have on of those????
this is INSANE
Wait...my sleep dart gun was in my back pocket..I COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS??
[cipher nails Mendez with 3 sleep darts as he takes cover behind a stack of boxes to hide from Mendez's unstoppable rage]
[it takes like 5 more just to make him look drowsy]
Man he's resistant to this stuff..
[Mendez starts to fall]
STOP BATTLE MUSIC AND PRETEND TO HEAR THE VICTORY SONG
[Mendez comes crashing down on a stack of twinkies]
What is the Bar selling twinkies for??
Anyways i can destroy the Pepsi stock now!
[cipher starts loading the Pepsi boxes onto his truck][ he notices something is missing]
Where is MENDEZ???
The sleep darts were garunteed to work for an hour per dart hit!

Wait... he was drinking Pepsi in his office...crap!
[Mendez pokes me in the back]
DOUBLE CRAP!
[ Mendez strikes but misses and hits another..stack of TWINKIES????]
WHERE ARE THESE THINGS COMING FROM????
Well, it appears that his Pepsi didn't have enough caffeine
[ cipher continues to load the truck with the last of the Pepsi boxes][ he dumps them in a nearby landfill and returns to base][he takes Mendez to his office, put him in his chair with a prune juice can with a pepsi label on it in his hand and performs a confusion jutsu]
Now Mendez once again will not remember one of my Pepsi campaigns
*cipher returns to his quarters content with his work, but can't sleep because he can't stop thinking about the mysterious twinkies...*


Operation: Horrific Unveiling of Spongy Evil


Well i got away with the other night, but i still can't get off my mind why there were so many twinkies in the bar....hey wait i got one in my pocket.
[cipher takes the twinky out of the package and takes a bite][ he expression turns cold]
This..this...twinky...it has Pepsi in it!!!! How was i so blind!!!!! When the real pepsi stock was right in front of me!!!
[cipher spits the twinky into the trash can][i have to go back and stop this madness!] Due to the events of the last strike i am going to equip my self with a tazer, a dart gun, and my infrared goggles.
This will be interesting
[ night falls upon the base once again][Cipher leaves his quarters and heads all stealthy like down the hall][ He turns on his infrared goggles just in case]
Hehehehe...Ocelot isn't snoring, that sleeping medicine must of done the work
[Cipher moves past the classroom hallway towards the main hall][not a single person is awake not even Mendez]
This is going smoothly, but i think my Pepsi labeled prune juice has become my signature move now, so to Mendez's office i go..
[sneaks into Mendez's office and places his special "Pepsi brand" on the desk]
[Cipher leaves the room and heads towards the B7R bar]
These infrared goggles are kinda nifty...
[ cipher reaches the employee entrance of the Bar][strangely he finds it unlocked but his infrared goggles show that no one is inside]
OK...weird
[ he moves back to where all the twinkies were to find that the stock had doubled][ he tested one to see if they were the Pepsi type][they are indeed]
gross!!!
Ok, what works well against plastic, edible sponge, and cardboard at the same time but won't leave any evidence...
[cipher remembers seeing a fire ant colony on the way in][ cipher goes to the fire ant colony]
Perfect....
[cipher collects s large jar full of fire ants and seals the jar][he takes the jar and opens it on the boxes of twinkies][the fire ants quickly get all into the boxes of twinkies]
MWAHAHAHA! Go forth my minions of the ground!
[ the ants soon start a trial from the twinkies back to their colony][cipher ensures that the colony workers have invaded every single box of twinkies]
Now they'll have to throw them out...
and never order any more again
[ cipher returns to the main hall and then works his way back to his quarters][he notices that Ocelot is awake getting a drink of water]
What are doing up?
Ocelot: i can't sleep, something in those twinkies
Ok, well i guess I'll see you in the morning..
[cipher slips two dissolving sleeping tablets in Ocelot"s glass]
Guaranteed to work for 9 hours strait...it's 2:38 AM...
[cipher makes it back to his quarters and goes to sleep content with his accomplishment]




THIS happened immediately after ocelots soda war

well, what a day that war was people...
THEY KILLED MY INNOCENT CLONES!
that makes my infiltration missions harder...
Something good did come out of it despite the horror. I have information on a hidden Pepsi aquifer that has been taken over by Schwarze 1 for his own purposes. Not good purposes obviously, so i need to do something. If he needs Pepsi that bad then he is going to have to pay for it, and not get it from a fountain.
[looks at smuggled satellite images]
Man..he's even got guard towers down there, very well placed they are..wait! I have already found a loophole!
[gets a magnifying glass and puts it over the specified area on the printout]
HAHAHA...no guard towers and no fences at all..
[cipher folds the map and explains to his currently last clone what he needs to do]
[clone is then set to pretend to be the real cipher]
With that done, i can now go unnoticed!
[pulls out a pipeline schematic of the area]
Ok, all i have to do is undo this valve area and the bases sewage will pour not only to it's original destination but to the aquifer and contaminate it..this is perfect
[calls up a former pipeline manager to ask for a tool pickup and some knowledge on moving pipeline valves]
Hehehe...nothing can stop this now
[calls in a bus serivice and tells them to meet at a certian place and that he could afford the service]
Now to get to the pipeline...hey heres that manhole from the schematics....
[opens up manhole and takes his dirtbike with him][starts his specail silent engine and starts riding on the access walk of the large sewage pipeline]
Man this is a horrible stinch!
[puts on a gas mask] biggrin.gif
[continues riding down the pipeline and then finds a large two way fork, one is open and one is sealed with a valve door]
This must be it....hey the switch has a huge lock..this wasn't in the schematics!
[pulls out masamune{9ft katana} and slices the lock as if it were flesh]
[the switches protective case falls off]
Ok, now to activate it and get out of here
[presses switch][ground starts shaking as the valve door begins to open and the sewage then starts to flow into the aquifer's natural cave]
Yes! now to get the children out.
[takes his dirt bike back down the pipeline and reaches the manhole]
[he gets out and changes to another set of clothing]
Now for that private plane to get here..
[ciphers goes to a off base airstrip to find a twin engine passenger plane waiting for him]
Ok, take me to that destination i told you about, quickly!
[the plane takes off and cipher gets about 30 minutes worth of sleep and planning]
[plane lands on a non-officail landing strip and comes to a stop]
[cipher gets out and tells the plane to keep the engines running]
Ok, time for the hard part..getting the children out.
[cipher makes his way through the pass he found on the satellite image]
[makes it into the mine to see the madness of children mining pepsi]
OMG..its a good thing i got here when i did
[cipher takes down the two guards that are standing keeping the children in line with his dart gun]
[they pass out]
Ha, this thing is so nifty
[cipher orders all the children to head for the exit]
[Mendez comes in but sees the children not me]
ACK!
[Mendez tries to stop the children but they soon overrun him like a stampede of wilder beast as they make their run towards the exit]
[cipher keeps to the shadows as he exits]
That was close!
[the buses arrive and the children are quickly loaded and cipher as fast as he can pays all the bus drivers and gives them instructions]
[buses leave with the children and cipher heads for his plane]
Now to get out of here
[he gets in the plane and tells the pilot to get in the air as quickly as possible]
[ the plane quickly escapes the area]
Phew..i thought Mendez was actually going to get me
[ the plane lands at the off base landing strip and cipher pays the pilot]
[cipher returns to his quarters to find his clone alive and well]
Good thing i still had him here!
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#11
Guest_Blak110_*

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Ummm... OK, and now for something entirely different! (kudos to anyone who recognizes that line... Hint: the initials are M.P., not our beloved Mercenary Pilot).

I wish I could join in the debauchery (dunno what the hell that means, but it sounds cool), but I can't. But I CAN sit here and laugh while sipping my Coke With Lime. Yeah, you heard me right.
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#12
Mercenary Pilot

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Ummm... OK, and now for something entirely different! (kudos to anyone who recognizes that line... Hint: the initials are M.P., not our beloved Mercenary Pilot).

I wish I could join in the debauchery (dunno what the hell that means, but it sounds cool), but I can't. But I CAN sit here and laugh while sipping my Coke With Lime. Yeah, you heard me right.


I am beloved? :D

Thanks for the reviews everyone.

I don't mind other cola drinkers as long as you don't try to take away my Pepsi. :rolleyes:
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#13
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It means well-liked nowadays, not "loved by people". And I see your point. Even though I have my allegiances with Coke, I drink Pepsi & Dr. Pepper at school. Odd, eh? And my great-grandpa owned a ginger-ale company. But enough of that. You guys got a follow-up to this coolness?
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#14
Cipher of Belka

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It means well-liked nowadays, not "loved by people". And I see your point. Even though I have my allegiances with Coke, I drink Pepsi & Dr. Pepper at school. Odd, eh? And my great-grandpa owned a ginger-ale company. But enough of that. You guys got a follow-up to this coolness?

:P OMG...its...its...so twisted! AHHHHHH!!! pepsi and coke together..NOOOOOO!!!! :D
this is a joke so don't take offense please, it is meant to define my character as cipher15

the pepsi files continued by Tehgeneral

continuing the story;

as tehgeneral pulls his Su-47 back into the hanger after flying out to help his commander (who didnt really need help) he cant help but wonder, what could i really do to help rid this world of pepsi? as he returns to his barracks, he is still pondering this question. brushing his teeth, he thinks of a plan. *the next morning* tehgeneral awakens in the Gault barracks with his plan fully formed in his head. he clears with flight control that he will be taking his new S-32 he recieved the night before for a "routine diagnostic test" with live ammo for the afternoon. he spends the morning making sure that his plane is ready to go. at 1300 he taxis to the runway and takes off in the direction of Directus. now as everyone knows, Directus is the largest manufacturer of pepsi on the continent. as he makes his first pass over the factory, the workers look up to see if there is an airshow they were not informed of. on the second pass, they know something is wrong. on the third pass, he makes his move. traveling at 50 feet above the ground, he drops two incendiary bombs on the middle of the factory. the effect is devestating. with a third of the factory now in flames, he turns his attention on the shipping depot. with a press of a button, two streaming lances of flame shoot from his plane as two missles streak towords the trucks. the resulting explosions shatter the windows of passing cars on the nearby freeway. now for the final segment, tehgeneral thinks to himself as he passes the main brewery. a three second burst from his 20 MM autocannon leaves the brewery a pile of molten slag. his mission complete, he turns back for home and hopes that he remembered to load his PT 24/7 handgun. it was going to be a long night at the base.

and then continued by me

Apply this soundtrack


Amongst the flames of the wreckage a dark figure is noticed walking towards the building
It is cipher, very content with what he sees, flames now in the reflection of his eyes, but he knows there is one more thing left to do to finish the job.

Now to level the entire area...including the foundation...

Despite the havoc and destruction caused by Tehgeneral many soldiers and employees survived and begin opening fire on cipher

Those fools have no idea who they are messing with....

Cipher moves at intense speed dodging the bullets and occasionally deflecting them with his masamune[9ft katana] and takes down 4 of them with one flash of his blade.
While seeing this the other soldiers just stand in horror as cipher gets closer walking through the flames
the soldier's expression :o
Nothing can stop us....

Cipher continues toward the partially existent entrance of the building and heads down one of the few remaining hallways. There is fire everywhere, collapsed ceilings, and frayed wiring.
He approaching as room and notices the sign for "natural gas" on it. He smirks and walks in with an explosive device. A destructive slab containing 4 packs of c-4 explosives on one timer device.

Reminds me of another explosive situation..hehehe

He places it on a one of the natural gas storage containers and then seals the door. He continues toward a basement area using any path available that he can find.
He approaches where in the blueprints a where very important foundational structure is located. He places 4 c-4 packs on it setting it to a remote activation, and then head back up to the mane hallways.

This is going to send shivers down the Pepsi President's spine..

As cipher exits the building he is met by many more soldiers only for them to be hacked down by his blade. He approaches a Lamborghini Murcelago B) that was hidden in a nearby alley. As he drives off a a huge explosion can be heard, it even rocked the road from 60 miles away. After hearing the explosion cipher remotely activates the second c-4 emplacement and an explosion at least 50 times louder and more powerful was heard.

Mission accomplished..

Cipher makes it back to base in his expensive black car and heads to his quarters and turns on the news. He sees just what he wanted...a huge crater in Directus that caused not a single death outside the buildings property.

A victory this is..but only begun the Pepsi wars have...

Edited by Cipher of Belka, 28 October 2007 - 04:56 PM.

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#15
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I drink Pepsi because my school is sponsored by PepsiCo. Nice fic!
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#16
Robb

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Aloha PPL now begans the third war of pepsi
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