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15 Years Ago....Belkan Conflict Report
Posted 22 October 2014 - 11:29 PM
Posted 23 October 2014 - 02:09 AM
Always nice to see another writer on the forum! Keep it up!
Posted 23 October 2014 - 10:17 AM
I like this beginning, keep up the good work.
Posted 23 October 2014 - 11:21 AM
Welcome to ACS, Runner.
It's not a bad idea. There might be something interesting here.
However, you should definitely go through and check your punctuation. There are a lot of commas where there should be periods, and periods where there should be commas. Your verb tense is all over the place as well.
I also have some more specific observations.
I had a bad feeling about this war because our president - Vincent Harling had never made any official announcement regarding the invasion and it would go against his personal beliefs and policy to authorize such a thing in the first place, but that is something that I will investigate later.
Maybe it's true that the reporter has his misgivings, but why would he be saying that up front? Imagine someone about to go into an investigative report about some soldiers during the war in Iraq by saying "well, I think the war was conducted under false pretenses, but I'll get on that later." Not only is it predicating the whole story on politics which are not immediately relevant, but it's also potentially a much bigger story than the one the reporter is actually covering. It's very weird and out of place in what is ostensibly a piece of professional investigative journalism.
As soon as I heard the word "Paramarine" An surge of nostalgia rushes through my body. The Paramarine is an selected breed of amphibious infantry soldier, highly trained and ready to fight.
Neither of these are particularly strange on their own, but there's not really a logical connection between the two. It just sounds like Ben is giving exposition at random.
and confronted Private Wagner in a rather comical way
If you're going to be printing the conversation verbatim, then don't say it's comical. If the conversation is funny, then that should be evident on its own.
Just then a surge of wind blows at my face and then all of sudden an convoy of military helicopters passes by
You don't need a "just then" and a "then all of a sudden" in the same sentence.
But When I caught the face of that soldier my mind instantly went blank.
I know what you're going for, but I don't think "blank" is the right word. Maybe he froze in shock, or old memories came flooding back, or something. "Went blank" sounds like he forgot where he was walking to.
Anyway, criticism aside, I hope you enjoy your stay here.
Posted 23 October 2014 - 12:33 PM
Thank you everyone for giving this fan-fic a read (especially Nemo for all the constuctive criticisms) I admit there are too much infomation being throw out at random at the first chapter (and being my very first fanfic is no excuse). Now that someone had read and gave their thoughts about it I will have a much better idea as to how to go around with this. Here's chapter 2
Prologue 2 - history of the Belkan War, the Paramarine, and a bit about myself
I apologized ahead of time but I should probably explain what the last war that I was referring to (I don't meant to born anyone but trust me there's a connection to all of these). I think that anyone who paid attention in history classes would have know right off the bet that the war I'm referring to be the Third Osean Continental War, (or simply as the Belkan War), along with the politics, history and strife behind it.
Over a century ago there was an land feud between the Principality of Belka and Osean Federation. The Principality of Belka used to be a nation of knighthoods and aristocrats so the Belkans were always proud and confidence of their noble lineage, and it was this confidence that led to their expansionist mindset. The Belkan would fought the Osean time and time again over territory and natural resources that resided in the southern part of the continent, and at one point in 1905 a major war called the First Osean Continental War broke out.)
The use of aircraft in combat the following year would give birth to the creation of the Paramarine, at the time the Osean military had envisioned an strike force unit capable of deploying via land, air and sea. They were to act as elite shook troops, to deploy behind enemy line to conduct large scale offensive operations and being able to strike at large or multiple enemy position at once - thus the Paramarine were created. The first Paramarine unit were activated in Fort Bana, Oured Bay where they would received extensive training in combat, the Paramarine consisted of volunteers from all over the nation between 17-30 years old. The Oseans were extremely patriotic and there were never a shortage for volunteers. The Paramarine help turn the tide when they take on and even manage to halt an advancing large enemy force a in what known as the Battle of Wesson. Today a huge monument were erected in the city's town square to celebrate the victory of that battle.
However despite their defeat, the Belkans would enter war with the Oseans once more in 1945, this time in air superiority. the victor of that war were never officially declared but the Belkans did managed to secured land as far as part of the Great Lakes. The failure to prevent the Great Lakes from falling into enemy's hands (due to lack of air support) had led to the disbandment of the Paramarine unit, ending their legacy for a while. However around the same time the arms race between Osea and another world superpower Yuktobania escalated. Pretty soon the Paramarine unit were reactivated and deployed to all over the world in support of war against socialism, particularly in war torn countries such as Ronmy and Verusea. For the next 40 years the Paramarines maintained a small but steady presence in the international community.
The Belkans were not a major threat around that time, but once in a while there will be armed skirmishes occurring along the Great Lakes region and the Osean military were always on high alert. At one point the armed skirmishes got so bad that several cities including Wesson where the famous historical battle took place were razed to the ground in an instant with civilian casualties reaching over 1000, the skirmish incidents were big news in the international communities for a while. The Belkans however had spread their borders too wide and eventually they no longer have the resources to sustain such an expansionist government, their bid to create powerful weapons to compete in ongoing arms race had almost bankrupted the country as well. The dissatisfaction of the people had reached an peak and a extreme fascist government party were elected in its place as a result.
In 1995, in a desperate bid to secure natural resource vital to revive their rapidly deteriorating economy, the Belkans entered war with Osea once more. Some neighboring countries were unprepared and the southern borders fell to the might of the legendary Belkan Air Force. The Belkans however were no match to combined alliance between Osean and their former arms race rival Yuktobania. the war eventually turned sour for the Belkans and in a desperate bid used nuclear weapons on their own soil to halt the advancing allies. The Belkans eventually surrendered and their ever imminent threat to continent had come to an end, but at the cost of more than 10,000 innocent lives. The victorious countries that witness the tragedy vowed to disarm and peace had come to the world at last.
As for the Paramarines, recognizing again the need of a capable unit dedicated to conduct large scale offensive operation behind enemy line, the Osean military directed the activation of the 6th Paramarine Regiment with four operational battalions standing ready to fight. The new regimental headquarter is stationed at the place of its very first founding, Fort Bana, Oured Bay. Today all volunteers who wishes to join their rank must successfully underwent an intensive 4 weeks course known as the Paramarine Indoctrination Training Course (or the Pit). The drop out rate for the course is at least 50%. Today the regiment were known to be the primer amphibious infantry unit of the Osean military. The regiment were known to have one of its battalion on high alert at all time and ready to operate at an moment notice. It is also one of the longest standing and decorated military unit in the world.
Actually I must apologized again because I almost forgot to explain the relationship between me and "him" in the mist of all these and why I'm so eagerly find "him" after the encounter with helicopter convoy, In 1995 when I was still a rookie journalist at the time. I was given an assignment to be embedded with this particular unit to cover an news story regarding the Belkan War that was going on at the time. The beginning stage of the war were especially furious, with many of the neighboring countries fell within a week. To cover a story in such a hostile environment would had been unthinkable for most people at the time. However I was super naive thinking that by risking my life I could finally make a breakthrough in my journalist career. Just go in take some photos, typed up a good script, and get credit for it. I was still green in the journalism field so I took the assignment without a second thought, thinking back on it....it wasn't as simple.
I've wanted to be an graphic designer or an artist but my limited skills and talent had kept me from fully realizing my dream, and so I went down a different path. Everyone tells me how special I'm really am but once you graduated from high school and get out to the real world, you become "ordinary" like everyone else. I was suffering depression and have to drop out of college. But around my time as being an "adrift" I meet my mentor Josh in a art fair I've passed by and discover my hidden interest and talent with photography. My mentor is probably one of the most talented photographer I've ever known, he was so calm and precise, yet his conscious is clear, he have a strong sense of what he really wanted to capture in his photo, rumor has it that he did documentary work in the Second Osean War when he was young and took some of the most iconic pictures of the war. Although he had never talked to me about any of it and brush it off as "ancient history".
It was also during my assignment with the Paramarine unit 15 years ago that I had become acquainted with "him". Me and "him" both played two very different roles in that war, one would create death and destruction on the battlefield and while the other would attempt to captures the moment of death and destruction with his trusty camera - in safe distances, two very different rookie doing two very different job. But despite the difference me and "him" become friend and went through a lot together in that war. Actually I don't know a whole lot about "him" to begin with. All I know is that he was a private fresh out of selection course and everyone around just called him "Rookie", hell I don't even know his origin, age, and not even his full name - How pathetic is that? Now you can see why I'm so eagerly to find "him" after that encounter. And once again I must apologize once again - this time to my employer because I'm about to ditch my assignment for a while in an selfish attempt to uncover who "he" really is and what really happened to "him" after the war. I know this is very un-professional of me to be doing this on company's payroll but I'm going to put an end to this personal inquiry that had haunted me once and for all. After seeing the face of that soldier riding in the helicopter convoy, I have no doubt that I would find "him" once again.
Edited by Runner07, 23 October 2014 - 12:43 PM.
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