[gunslinger]

I have no shame, I'll hook you up with some Air Supply as an example.



And for the record my grandmother reads those novels.

[Oka_Nieba]

What novels? And there's no way I'm watching that video.

[Sidernova]

Oka_Nieba, on 17 April 2012 - 07:11 AM, said:

You can still do the flashback parts that hinge solely on the fact that they broke up, regardless of exactly how it happened. What we have decided is that it hurt Bartlett enough to result in him getting shot down.

So I start a scene just before or during B7R? I'll try and think of a reason, but as I said, no good at this sorta stuff.

[Oka_Nieba]

That's the idea. Besides, if it's going to be part of a nightmare-style sequence, starting off with short, cryptic snippets of intense action is always more exciting. You know, like a flaming cockpit, blaring alarms, tumbling out of control, that sort of stuff.

[Condor 216]

I think the idea is that the snippets would be mixed in with the main 2010 arc up until, say, the point where he hears Pops was shot down with Wardog over the ocean.

Spoiler

After he tells Alyosha how important Pops was to him, then the breakup-and-B7R flashback begins in earnest, piecing together everything that happened/haunted his dreams up until then.

If you're already doing the fragments, try to piece it together to complete the entire B7R scene and then clip the refined fragments from there so we can stick them between chapters or something.

[gunslinger]

So what kind of mood you going for with the flashbacks. Meaning if it was a movie, would they be dreamlike? Would they be in black and white? would they look like an old war movie? Oviously you cant use visual tricks in writing, but they make nice points of refrence.

[Oka_Nieba]

I was thinking the very opposite of "dreamlike". More along the lines of "all too real" with overtones of intensity, alarm and panic. Loud noises, franticly moving frame of view, nothing standing still, chaos everywhere. Camera would likely be shaking. I'm sure everyone has seen something like this in a movie at one point.

[KonoBaka]

If you would forgive me for having the nerve to intrude on a project I have no part in, using the metaphor of a film for writing seems counter productive: you'd spend too much energy figuring out how to portray something visually what you'd eventually have to do with language. You're trying to get to the same basic concept, but with written language, it's different. It seems more productive to ask, "what is Bartlett's experience like?" What emotions do they conjure in him, and why is he remembering these things? Are these fragments moving too fast to be understood individually, or is this a vivid, PTSD-fueled recollection? I'd find that out, and then write the scenes through that filter. Personally.

[Oka_Nieba]

KonoBaka, on 18 April 2012 - 12:32 PM, said:

If you would forgive me for having the nerve to intrude on a project I have no part in, using the metaphor of a film for writing seems counter productive: you'd spend too much energy figuring out how to portray something visually what you'd eventually have to do with language. You're trying to get to the same basic concept, but with written language, it's different. It seems more productive to ask, "what is Bartlett's experience like?" What emotions do they conjure in him, and why is he remembering these things? Are these fragments moving too fast to be understood individually, or is this a vivid, PTSD-fueled recollection? I'd find that out, and then write the scenes through that filter. Personally.

Don't worry, we're always open to suggestions. However, we are most definitely closed to any sort of additions to the story as it exists now.

Imagining what it would look like in a film should be transferable to the kind of sensory imagery that will be imperative if the flashbacks are to have the intended effect. As for content, Bartlett knows exactly what he's seeing in the flashbacks, but the reader is only meant to get hints of what it is to at first, to show that something serious happened that still haunts him, but not really to tell them what. They'll be pieced together later like Condor said, partially for the benefit of readers that have not already done so themselves.

Speaking of content, it's time to get more specific about them in order to describe them. I'm thinking some of them up in the air right after his plane is hit, some on the ground defending in some sort of altercation he and Pops get thrown into, and also images of the death of his RIO, something to do with trying to save him from his injuries.

[Sidernova]

I have started work.

[Oka_Nieba]

I look forward to reading your work. Condor, for anything I haven't sent you, I will send.

[gunslinger]

Its a case of I actually have more experience in, and talent for film production than for writing.

[Sidernova]

I'm not too sure if Bartlett's upposed to be friendly with cHuckles, or they are enemies when he first meets him.

[Oka_Nieba]

By "cHuckles", do you mean Pops? If so, Bartlett won't trust him and sort of take him captive, despite Pops trying to explain they're on the same side.

[Condor 216]

Spoiler

They could definitely be forced to work together when a Belkan scouting party fires on both of them or something. They would probably have advance notice of Pops' betrayal but since they're all in B7R, it'd be hard for them to radio for backup, preserving the notion that Bernitz and Annette really did shoot them down to the rest of the Gray Men.

Then, perhaps later on, one of them gets the notion that maybe they weren't killed and passes it onto Hamilton?

EDIT: Also...did you get my message? O:

This post has been edited by Condor 216: 3 weeks ago

[Oka_Nieba]

The stuff in the spoiler sounds about right.

Yes, I got your message. I just forgot to respond, is all.

[Sidernova]

I done, sorta. Haven't written Bartlett's reaction to Pops showing up, cuse I really have no idea howto write that.

[Oka_Nieba]

Alright, if you could send it my way for review (considering it's an action sequence, it's more likely to actually get reviewed faster, sorry Condor), I'd be happy to look it over.

[gunslinger]

Anyone else picture Bartlett with a six-gun? I mean if hes going to ho0ld Pops captive seems likely he would use a gun, and using a six-gun makes you that much cooler.

[Oka_Nieba]

No.